Writings Off The Wall

Rodomontades, Balderdash, and Inwits


with 4 comments

I recently encountered a situation that left me a bit speechless. It’s not so much that it happened, but it’s the HOW it happened that leaves me puzzled like a 1000 piece picture of a rain forest.

So what happened? “I got hollered at.” Now, that in and of itself isn’t all that dumbfounding because it’s not as if I look like Jimmie Walker. But it is out of the ordinary for three reasons:

1) The girl was GORGEOUS. Drunken women on the rebound aside, it’s been my experience that beautiful women don’t make a habit of making the first move with strangers. I’ve heard that attractive women are usually dateless because they intimidate men with their beauty. I filed that bit of info away in the bullsh*t chronicles, right along with Michael Steele apologies and Family Matters trying to convince people that Jaleel White can be a ladies’ man. Attractive women attract men… that’s why they are called “attractive.” Duh.

2) I’m no pin-up dude. Like I said, I’m an ok looking guy, but I’m no Idris Elbow or Boris Kujo or whomever women are going crazy over this year. So for a gorgeous woman to single me out was unexpected; not entirely because I AM pretty awesome and sh*t, but surprising nonetheless. And I must add this, I wasn’t dressed in Armani shoes and Rolex either. It’s well-chronicled that ugly, rich dudes get women… please don’t make me name names.

3) Is how she did it.

I’ve been approached before, so I’m not completely ignorant to the game women have when they meet a man. It is certainly less creative and less aggressive than the lines I’ve used on women. Well, save for this one chick who rolled up on me smelling of margarita mix and tequila and as her introduction said, “Mmmm… you have those click-licking lips.” I’m not sure I know what a click is, but I suppose that was a compliment. Oh wait! She meant a cl- …. got it. LOL

Ok, so I was at a Chili’s, of all places, sitting at the bar mindlessly watching an NBA game and enjoying a big boy glass of Blue Moon. I spot this Hispanic lady who is almost too beautiful to be in a Chili’s. I admire her for a couple seconds longer than a cursory glance, but not nearly long enough to develop one of those “eye problems” I heard girls in high school diagnose each other with just before they started fighting. I mean, after all, I’m taken; I have a lady.

I could hear the guys sitting next to her chatting her up using ridiculous lines as men who drink Bud Light are wont to do. As one of the guys began bragging about his portfolio, which was probably a Trapper Keeper from like ’85, I rolled my eyes and looked at this lady to see her reaction. We caught eyes for a second, no big deal.

About 15 minutes later, she pays her bill and leaves. After she’s out the door, the bartender asks if I’m ready for a refill. I indicated I was ok and would just finish the one in front of me. That’s when the bartender informed me that the lady that just left had already paid for my next round! She left without saying a word to me, without leaving a note, without idling outside for me to try and find her. She just bought me a drink and rolled.

The end. C’est finni.

As I said, I’m puzzled. I have no clue what that was about. Maybe just a kind gesture for some stranger she never said a word too and never will? Maybe it was a reward for not attempting to chat her up with breath wreaking of southwestern eggrolls like my Bud Light compadres?? Perhaps she lost her nerve in the face of my awesome averageness? I have no idea. But the first time in a long time, I was left as confused as Sarah Palin on a question about newspapers.

However, it is great story to tell to hear the many suppositions of those to whom the story is told. As for me and my ego, we love the ambiguity just fine because the topic of discussion really is such a fascinating one.


Written by offdwall

March 27, 2009 at 10:30 am

Posted in Uncategorized

4 Responses

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  1. Classy move on her part, probably because you handled her with class and weren’t making a buffoon out of yourself. The results were good all around. I may just use that very move when/if a similar scenario presents itself.


    March 27, 2009 at 10:54 am

  2. Yeah, it was definitely a killer move, if for no other reason than it’s been a few weeks and I still think about it.

    I’ve seen a dude do a similar thing, but it was at a strip club years ago. LOL


    March 27, 2009 at 10:58 am

  3. A couple weeks ago I was visiting my homeboy in Raleigh. We went to this cool Jazz Restaurant downtown. This chick who was probably in her early 40’s tried to get at me when I went to the bar.

    I always button my shirt buttons all the way to the top, so she runs her hands over my chest and says loosen up baby. I was confused and flattered at the same time. She continued to spit one liners at me and what not, but I wasn’t interested and walked away. Still felt good to be noticed though.


    March 29, 2009 at 7:53 pm

  4. Ah yes, the cougars are always on the prowl and are getting more forward than ever


    March 30, 2009 at 8:09 am

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