Writings Off The Wall

Rodomontades, Balderdash, and Inwits

Archive for March 2009

Puzzled

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I recently encountered a situation that left me a bit speechless. It’s not so much that it happened, but it’s the HOW it happened that leaves me puzzled like a 1000 piece picture of a rain forest.

So what happened? “I got hollered at.” Now, that in and of itself isn’t all that dumbfounding because it’s not as if I look like Jimmie Walker. But it is out of the ordinary for three reasons: Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by offdwall

March 27, 2009 at 10:30 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Black Folks & Jesus

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black-jesus

In between killing a bottle of South African Red and drowning in dihedral group theory the other night, I was watching Good Times. On this particular episode, like so many others, Florida was praying to a picture of Jesus on the wall to help the family make rent. It reminded me of the episode when the family hung a picture of a black Jesus on the wall, rumored to be nicknamed Obama, and good things started to happen.

I have been suspicious of organized religion for years now since learning that the friendly lady who always had those chalky mints that old people carry around wrapped in napkins was cheating on her deacon husband with some scrub of an usher. Then there was the time the preacher got into a shouting match over Read the rest of this entry »

Written by offdwall

March 23, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Break-up to weird-out

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I’ve seen a lot of blogs talking about Kanye West and his new squeeze Amber Rose. As a man who despises all the celebrity websites and TV shows more than okra, I admit that the latest news of the two posing together nude for a photo shoot actually made me click on the Google News link to the article reporting it. I don’t think the woman is all that attractive, but she would probably say the same thing about me. So touche’… score one for the blonde. I will say this though, she is a veritable brickhouse from the waist down and is thick in thighs; not surprisingly, that’s the same way I like my baked chicken.

But what strikes me most is how Read the rest of this entry »

Written by offdwall

March 11, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Other Side of the Rainbow

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I’m pretty much convinced that all educated Black women want their lives to resemble one of three people: Oprah, Beyonce, or Michelle Obama. I’m certainly no sociologist or anthropologist, but I am a rather observant geek who can knockout a one-star Sudoku puzzle in like 5 minutes flat. That clearly qualifies me to make sweeping generalizations with a deftness normally reserved for Meet The Press soundbites.

First, the “educated” modifier is necessary because Read the rest of this entry »

Written by offdwall

March 9, 2009 at 7:53 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Married to the Game

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Without the involvement of some unfaithful lady who has, shall we say, overextended herself, I’m getting the itch. In marriage circles, it’s known as the seven-year itch, and that is a pretty accurate way to describe my relationship with my career.

It’s at times like these that I envy people with jobs. Jobs are like relationships that Read the rest of this entry »

Written by offdwall

March 6, 2009 at 7:43 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Lent for Lent

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“So Black people observe Lent?”

This is a real question I asked a few years back when this lady remarked she was struggling over what to give up for Lent. She narrowed her choices down to chocolate or sex, probably after much deliberation in some contorted position whilst licking Hershey’s syrup off her boyfriend’s neck.

I honestly had no idea that some of us Read the rest of this entry »

Written by offdwall

March 4, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Posted in Uncategorized